Adjusting Focus

Leaving on a mission is a hard thing. Suddenly it feels like all of your support systems are gone. You're thrown into this foreign place (some more than others) with new people and new cultures, and suddenly it feels like your weakness are being shouted from the rooftops. When I first came to Utah, I wasn't sure I would be able to do it all. The task ahead seemed daunting. I had no idea what I was doing. And mission life is nothing at all like the life I had before. But missions are an amazing thing. The thing is your support systems aren't all gone. Our Heavenly Father is right there beside us. I remember the first night I was in Murray, in my first area in Utah. I knelt by my bedside and immediately started to cry. I told God I needed Him, that I wasn't going to be able to do any of this without His help. I needed His help to speak, to walk, to get up every morning, to do everything He called me to do. And looking back I can see He was truly right there, standing ri...

It's been a month since coming out to Rexburg. It's been tiring, long, boring, fun, and great all at the same time. Currently I'm fighting to not fall asleep and this has been happening all day. I could take a nap but that would disrupt my procrastination of doing my homework by writing a blog post. Besides, taking nap would mess up when I'm actually able to fall asleep tonight. Classes have continued to go well and I am still glad to be here. I'm continuing to push myself out of my comfort zone a little. I've had the opportunity to attend a Youth Mental Health First Aid training for my juvenile delinquency class (a training on how to help youth in crisis). I'm still lacking on making real food for myself. I've made a lot of rice, PB&J sandwiches, and chicken. But I'm surviving and having good experiences, and the past month has still been decently successful. My religion class is by far one of my favorite classes. My professor is amazing and h...

Lately, it seems as though the little struggles in life are starting to pile up. I think I fully came to this realization last week, when nothing seemed to be going right, and I was more stressed than I felt I could handle. Today I've come to another realization about a solution I didn't fully see was right in front of me. When called as the new Young Women's ward pianist, I fought the urge not to laugh. With a smile I said, "Yeah. I can do that." On the outside I probably appeared to be somewhat confident, maybe even a little bit excited. On the inside all I felt was anxiety, and a little bit of humor on top of that. Still, I felt that perhaps having our household filled with hymns would be nice. I had read and heard stories about people getting called to play the piano for their ward or quorum when they didn't know how to. To me, they all seemed like stories, and things that I thought would be rather funny if they happened to me, but never actually saw th...

Tonight I had the opportunity to speak at the Interfaith Thanksgiving Service with the churches of Littleton. It was really nice and I enjoyed hearing others speak. Although kind of nerve wracking, I was glad I had the opportunity to give a small talk. I've decided to post it up here for others who weren't there, or perhaps missed some things with my habit of talking too fast in front of large groups (I apologize). You'll find it down below. Tonight I would like to start with a quote by President Gordon B. Hinckley, prophet of the LDS church, who once said, “When you walk with gratitude, you do not walk with arrogance and conceit and egotism, you walk with a spirit of thanksgiving that is becoming to you and will bless your lives.” I like this quote because it's very true. Gratitude enables us to focus on all that is good, instead of all that is bad. It is not prideful and believing you are better. It is thanking the Lord and being humble. People enjoy being around ...

My blog post for today will be about depression and suicide. I think that when people hear these words, they aren't really sure what to do or say. No one's sure how to really handle the subjects.  But let me be very real with you; depression and suicide are very, very serious, and people everywhere need to come to understand these matters better. People all over the world struggle with depression and suicidal thoughts/tendencies, and people die from suicide attempts too often. Depression is more than just a bad day, and it's not something someone can overcome easily. Suicide is not a joke. These matters are very serious. I, myself, have struggled with depression. This is hard for me to say (or rather write), seeing as for most of my life I tried to hide it. There has always been a bad stigma around the word, and I was always scared of what people would think of me, and in some ways, I still am. But due to recent events, I want people to know that they aren't alone in t...

Recently I've returned from the usual 2 week New Hampshire trip. We had to go extra early in the summer due to the fact that I have classes starting next Monday (*cries*). Until then, I have one more day of freedom, Youth Conference, and Sunday before I start waking up before 7:30am. I'm only excited because it now means I don't ever have to take gym for the rest of my life, and it's only a month and a half of going to class 2-3 days a week, 4 hours a day. New Hampshire was good, though, and I enjoyed it for the most part. After Cherish left I was pretty lonely, but I managed to do a boatload of homework while my parents worked on the house. I did some tests and quizzes. My parents and I went to Castle in the Clouds (the coolest/prettiest house-mansion I've ever seen). One day my mom and I went out to pick fabric for a quilt she'll make for me. We played some games and watched a lot of Criminal Minds at night. I ran most mornings, doing 3-4 miles after the firs...

Sunday. I always enjoy these days. Today I was reminded of the tender mercies of the Lord. There are a couple of stories that always stick out to me whenever I think of tender mercies. They happened a few years ago, but to this day they still mean the world to me. Flashback to Freshman year when I was just really struggling. The school day had just ended and I was waiting for my brother to pick me up. I was feeling pretty terrible about something and really just wanted to cry. I was standing all alone. A friend of mine and some other mutual friends were walking back into the school building and I saw them, but none of them saw me. I just watched them walk by me and felt kind of bad. One friend came back and said bye to me and gave me a hug. It seems so small but after that I really wanted to cry but like, happy tears. It made me just feel so much better for the rest of the day. The same thing happened again that year. Actually, this instance happened first but it involves the same pe...