Adjusting Focus

Your body is a temple. It's a gift from God.  Treat it well.  Somewhere, somehow, at the age of probably 14, I decided my body was disgusting. It's a strong word, but it's exactly what I thought. I looked in the mirror, day after day, feeling like there was too much of me there. I wanted to be like the other skinny girls; I couldn't handle looking like the ones society labeled as 'big'. It set me off into a storm of tears and stomping on the scale.  I thought things were too tight on my body. I thrived when my guy friends would comment on how small I was. I loved when girls at school would say how good I looked. There was one morning I weighed myself and hated the numbers I saw on the scale. I sobbed and told myself I was too fat, that no one would ever like me, that I had to be better the next day. During my advisory period a boy told me I was skinny and I thought, "Oh, he thinks I'm skinny, so I must be. I'm doing okay." Followed by, ...

"I have absolutely no doubt in my mind whatsoever AT ALL, that this is Christ's church, that the covenant path is ALWAAAAAAAAYYSSSS the easier, happier, more joyful, better path... [Christ] loves each and every single one of us more than we can ever comprehend." Nearly a year ago I wrote this in my final email home to my family as I prepared myself to leave my full-time missionary service for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. For 18 months I spread the gospel of Jesus Christ. I found a love for others I didn't think was possible. Leaving was the hardest thing I ever had to do. Following my homecoming, I felt a small burden lifted from me as I could finally take a nap, I could sleep past 6:30am, and stay up as late as I wanted to. I didn't have to wear a dress anymore and I was back to being a regular 20 year old. Music was such a huge part of my life and I was glad I could listen to old songs that used to make me happy and discover new ones. But d...

I'm currently writing to you as I sit on a blowup mattress in my brother and sister-in-law's living room, with what turned out to be a really bad braid, and with nails that are too long, so typing is actually really irritating. BUT I've had a post I've been meaning to write down for a while, so here I am. If you've followed up on this blog since the beginning of the year, you'll know my 2019 life motto is " Bloom ." It's a word which I feel sums up what this whole year was going to be for me- and it has. The year's not even over yet, but boy oh boy have I learned so much and found more of myself than ever before. I started college again, was seriously depressed and so anxious I barely left my room, decided to see a counselor on campus but he turned out to be... the worst... started the journey of medication, found a new therapist, ended up with a boyfriend for a brief time, gained and lost friends, started getting slightly political on social...