It's been a month since coming out to Rexburg. It's been tiring, long, boring, fun, and great all at the same time. Currently I'm fighting to not fall asleep and this has been happening all day. I could take a nap but that would disrupt my procrastination of doing my homework by writing a blog post. Besides, taking nap would mess up when I'm actually able to fall asleep tonight.
Classes have continued to go well and I am still glad to be here. I'm continuing to push myself out of my comfort zone a little. I've had the opportunity to attend a Youth Mental Health First Aid training for my juvenile delinquency class (a training on how to help youth in crisis). I'm still lacking on making real food for myself. I've made a lot of rice, PB&J sandwiches, and chicken. But I'm surviving and having good experiences, and the past month has still been decently successful.
My religion class is by far one of my favorite classes. My professor is amazing and he manages to really make the class entertaining and funny while simultaneously bringing in the spirit each class. Learning more about the Book of Mormon and its teachings has really been amazing and I've loved it. We've been talking about the atonement and I am inspired by others testimonies and their questions every class.
Every Tuesday we have devotional and today we got to hear from Sister Stephanie Nielson. It was absolutely wonderful and I shed many tears and felt the spirit very strongly. It was a blessing to hear from her as she recalled her story of her plane crash where over 80% of her body was burned, and as she shared her testimony of Jesus Christ. When we sang the primary song, "A Child's Prayer", a song mentioned in her talk, I cried and felt God's love for me. It was powerful and I feel extremely blessed to attend a university that can offer me so many spiritual experiences.
Towards the end of Sister Nielson's devotional, I kept on thinking how blessed I am in my own life. I often mention how 15-16 years of my life were very turbulent times, filled with depression, anxiety, anger, and frustration, and loss. In my juvenile delinquency class the other day, we were to write a list of "The Best of Times" and "The Worst of Times." We were to write down 5 things in each list from ages 0-18. I reflected on a lot of my own "Worst of Times" ranging from the day I got braces to my entire freshman year having gone all horribly wrong, a time packed will loss, depression, and the idea of dropping out of high school. Something we talked about was the way we coped with this events in our lives. How did we get through these? And I thought of my family and of the gospel, the two foundations that will never fail to hold me steady. If it weren't for these things, I would surely not be where I am now, or I would no longer be on this earth.
While Sister Nielson spoke, the words I kept on saying in my mind were, "I am blessed. I am so blessed." Despite the losses I've felt in a myriad of different ways, the anger, the depression, and anxiety I still deal with, I have always been blessed. I am so extremely privileged to have the family I have. Two parents who never stopped loving me, three brothers who always found it in their hearts to deal with me and forgive me for the demon-child I was. Though I have tried my hardest to push myself to improve and get better emotionally, my efforts would be nothing without them. The gospel has given me my family and my family has given me the gospel.
I've been in what I call a "Good Period" of time for a while now. Though I have obviously struggled with some things recently (my anxiety level rising to new highs as I left for college, losses within the past year, as well as the smaller things), I still feel like things have been much more peaceful compared to the last 15-16 years. And I know for a fact that at some point I will be handed a trial I feel hard too overcome, one which I will feel has made me reach my limits. But I will remember all that I continue to remember from the hardest parts of my life to the easiest- that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love me. That through Them I will be able to conquer anything, whether it takes a short time or a lifetime. Christ's redeeming and strengthening power will be able to lift me up.
I am blessed. I am so blessed.
And I hope if I am feeling lost or afraid, or worried, or doubtful, I can remember these words I spoke to myself. I hope to look on this and turn to the Lord and remind myself of all that is good. As Elder Nelson said in this October General Conference, "the joy we feel has little to do with the circumstances of our lives and everything to do with the focus of our lives." Though it can often be hard to be joyful and feel blessed when we feel like dropping out of high school or feel we are not good enough, I encourage us all to continue to try and look to the Lord. In the end, we will find peace.
Today's quote:
Classes have continued to go well and I am still glad to be here. I'm continuing to push myself out of my comfort zone a little. I've had the opportunity to attend a Youth Mental Health First Aid training for my juvenile delinquency class (a training on how to help youth in crisis). I'm still lacking on making real food for myself. I've made a lot of rice, PB&J sandwiches, and chicken. But I'm surviving and having good experiences, and the past month has still been decently successful.
My religion class is by far one of my favorite classes. My professor is amazing and he manages to really make the class entertaining and funny while simultaneously bringing in the spirit each class. Learning more about the Book of Mormon and its teachings has really been amazing and I've loved it. We've been talking about the atonement and I am inspired by others testimonies and their questions every class.
Every Tuesday we have devotional and today we got to hear from Sister Stephanie Nielson. It was absolutely wonderful and I shed many tears and felt the spirit very strongly. It was a blessing to hear from her as she recalled her story of her plane crash where over 80% of her body was burned, and as she shared her testimony of Jesus Christ. When we sang the primary song, "A Child's Prayer", a song mentioned in her talk, I cried and felt God's love for me. It was powerful and I feel extremely blessed to attend a university that can offer me so many spiritual experiences.
Towards the end of Sister Nielson's devotional, I kept on thinking how blessed I am in my own life. I often mention how 15-16 years of my life were very turbulent times, filled with depression, anxiety, anger, and frustration, and loss. In my juvenile delinquency class the other day, we were to write a list of "The Best of Times" and "The Worst of Times." We were to write down 5 things in each list from ages 0-18. I reflected on a lot of my own "Worst of Times" ranging from the day I got braces to my entire freshman year having gone all horribly wrong, a time packed will loss, depression, and the idea of dropping out of high school. Something we talked about was the way we coped with this events in our lives. How did we get through these? And I thought of my family and of the gospel, the two foundations that will never fail to hold me steady. If it weren't for these things, I would surely not be where I am now, or I would no longer be on this earth.
While Sister Nielson spoke, the words I kept on saying in my mind were, "I am blessed. I am so blessed." Despite the losses I've felt in a myriad of different ways, the anger, the depression, and anxiety I still deal with, I have always been blessed. I am so extremely privileged to have the family I have. Two parents who never stopped loving me, three brothers who always found it in their hearts to deal with me and forgive me for the demon-child I was. Though I have tried my hardest to push myself to improve and get better emotionally, my efforts would be nothing without them. The gospel has given me my family and my family has given me the gospel.
I've been in what I call a "Good Period" of time for a while now. Though I have obviously struggled with some things recently (my anxiety level rising to new highs as I left for college, losses within the past year, as well as the smaller things), I still feel like things have been much more peaceful compared to the last 15-16 years. And I know for a fact that at some point I will be handed a trial I feel hard too overcome, one which I will feel has made me reach my limits. But I will remember all that I continue to remember from the hardest parts of my life to the easiest- that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love me. That through Them I will be able to conquer anything, whether it takes a short time or a lifetime. Christ's redeeming and strengthening power will be able to lift me up.
I am blessed. I am so blessed.
And I hope if I am feeling lost or afraid, or worried, or doubtful, I can remember these words I spoke to myself. I hope to look on this and turn to the Lord and remind myself of all that is good. As Elder Nelson said in this October General Conference, "the joy we feel has little to do with the circumstances of our lives and everything to do with the focus of our lives." Though it can often be hard to be joyful and feel blessed when we feel like dropping out of high school or feel we are not good enough, I encourage us all to continue to try and look to the Lord. In the end, we will find peace.
Today's quote:
As always, thanks for reading!
---Maggie
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