This will be my final blog post for the next 18 months as I leave to serve as a missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I'm nervous, excited, happy, a little sad, prepared and not so prepared, and everything else in between. It's a weird experience to be packing while also trying to finish a TV series when you only have two days left. I can't believe the time has finally come! Tuesday at around 8pm I'll officially be a sister missionary.
Though I've had many friends go on missions and some come back, though my three brothers have all served their missions, and I've had a sister-in-law serve as well, I'm not entirely sure I'll actually be fully prepared to leave and start my own mission on Wednesday. I've been told a lot of things but the reality of it all is that I'm going to have to learn it all on my own. I'm definitely scared and my feelings of inadequacy have increased since getting my call but at the end of the day I just need to rely on the Lord and put in my best efforts. I have to try and learn the lessons and most importantly, follow the promptings of the Holy Ghost. The Spirit will be my guide as it tells me what to say and when, or when to say nothing at all. And, as long as I keep trying to do what's right and rely on the Lord, He will be with me every step of the way. In a short year and a half, I'll look back and see how much my Father in Heaven has blessed me, even when I had a hard companion, when an investigator of the church never got baptized, and even when I wonder why it was I ever decided to leave my family and friends behind to wear skirts and dresses everyday, leaving behind a very good, comfortable life. When I come back, surely I will see He was there in all of it. He has been in my preparation to leave and He will be forever.
As this will be my last post for a while, I wanted to thank those close to me for helping me get here today. As a little girl I used to be pretty angry and sad a lot. I wondered why God had it be that I never got to be a part of my culture and country, why I would never really get to understand who my biological mother was and why I had to be so different from the people around me. I used to ask Him if He could change it all and I could go back. As I've gotten older and my family and I did everything we could to help me be happy, I've come to a better realization of everything I have. Of course, that won't take away the loss I sometimes feel and the trials I face from being adopted, but I wouldn't have my life any other way. I have the best family in the world.
I want to thank every church leader I've ever had and the lessons they've taught me. There are some Young Women's leaders I will never forget. Some have talked to me when I felt left behind and they've given me time when I thought no one really cared. There have been teachers in Sunday school and seminary that have given a lesson that taught me something I needed at a specific time, or something I knew I would remember when I needed it.
I want to thank some friends of mine for being there at various points in my life. I won't name anyone, but there are definitely a few that come to mind. They're the ones who've helped me come out of my shell and taught me to have more fun, to leave the house, to have faith, and to enjoy life. They've made me laugh, complimented me when I didn't always think there was something to compliment on, and showed me TV shows that have made my life simultaneously better and worse. These friends have made me smile when I didn't really feel like smiling at all. They're the ones the Lord sent to me when I most needed them. These few friends are going to be the ones I miss second to my family.
And last, but certainly not the least, I would like to thank my family. My three brothers are wicked old now, but I remember the times when we were younger and all living under the same roof. I know I really wasn't an easy person to live with by far and I had a lot of anger I took out on you, but somehow you all ended up really loving me and allowed me to have the best three brothers in the world. I think about that a lot because I have biological siblings somewhere out there in the world and I don't know them, but while I question who they are and where they are, I know that I really wouldn't want to have any other siblings than you three. You all have been an example to me as I've grown up and your example to worthily serve missions has helped me get to where I am today. Your individual testimonies and the fact that the two of you who are married right now are raising your tiny children in the church is truly a testimony builder for me. You three are some pretty alright brothers and I love you all (especially your kids because I love being an aunt and will miss it). (And I would like you three to know I just cried writing that for you, so when I leave, I expect just a single tear from you just once during my 18 month leave. Just one tear.)
My parents have also dealt with a lot. I don't think they had a clue what the heck they were getting into when I finally landed in their arms and we were heading home on an airplane during a hurricane. I think that should've been a sign that I would bring a huge storm into our household. But, despite the ferocious storm I carried for about 15 years, you two always stuck with it - with me. I'll be thanking you two until I'm lying in my grave and probably into the eternities when we're all together again. I know I've definitely taken out a lot of anger on you two, especially mom, but I know why I'm here. Even though I can't really look into the mirror and see either of you in me, though I occasionally have an identity crisis because I'm not sure if the person I am is a result of the way I was raised or because maybe my biological mother (or father) was a certain way, there are no other parents I would ever want either. If I had ever stayed in Guatemala, I wouldn't have gotten all the opportunities you gave me. I had the chance to play soccer, to take dance classes, to play the piano, discover music, fall in love with writing, get an education, have the best siblings in the world, and be raised to have a relationship with my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. You two have given me the best gifts in the world and that is why I will be forever thanking you two. (I also cried writing that, but don't be too sad when I leave... though I know you will be because your favorite child will be leaving home.)
I'm excited for all that lies ahead as I serve the people in Utah and Wyoming. I hope to plant seeds in those I encounter, to bring people to His gospel, and to love and see people the way He does as I teach them all that I know to be true. It won't be easy by any means, but there wouldn't be any growth if it was simple.
Thank you to all who have taken the time to read this and I will write to you all in a short year and a half. See you in October 2018 and remember this:
---Maggie
Though I've had many friends go on missions and some come back, though my three brothers have all served their missions, and I've had a sister-in-law serve as well, I'm not entirely sure I'll actually be fully prepared to leave and start my own mission on Wednesday. I've been told a lot of things but the reality of it all is that I'm going to have to learn it all on my own. I'm definitely scared and my feelings of inadequacy have increased since getting my call but at the end of the day I just need to rely on the Lord and put in my best efforts. I have to try and learn the lessons and most importantly, follow the promptings of the Holy Ghost. The Spirit will be my guide as it tells me what to say and when, or when to say nothing at all. And, as long as I keep trying to do what's right and rely on the Lord, He will be with me every step of the way. In a short year and a half, I'll look back and see how much my Father in Heaven has blessed me, even when I had a hard companion, when an investigator of the church never got baptized, and even when I wonder why it was I ever decided to leave my family and friends behind to wear skirts and dresses everyday, leaving behind a very good, comfortable life. When I come back, surely I will see He was there in all of it. He has been in my preparation to leave and He will be forever.
As this will be my last post for a while, I wanted to thank those close to me for helping me get here today. As a little girl I used to be pretty angry and sad a lot. I wondered why God had it be that I never got to be a part of my culture and country, why I would never really get to understand who my biological mother was and why I had to be so different from the people around me. I used to ask Him if He could change it all and I could go back. As I've gotten older and my family and I did everything we could to help me be happy, I've come to a better realization of everything I have. Of course, that won't take away the loss I sometimes feel and the trials I face from being adopted, but I wouldn't have my life any other way. I have the best family in the world.
I want to thank every church leader I've ever had and the lessons they've taught me. There are some Young Women's leaders I will never forget. Some have talked to me when I felt left behind and they've given me time when I thought no one really cared. There have been teachers in Sunday school and seminary that have given a lesson that taught me something I needed at a specific time, or something I knew I would remember when I needed it.
I want to thank some friends of mine for being there at various points in my life. I won't name anyone, but there are definitely a few that come to mind. They're the ones who've helped me come out of my shell and taught me to have more fun, to leave the house, to have faith, and to enjoy life. They've made me laugh, complimented me when I didn't always think there was something to compliment on, and showed me TV shows that have made my life simultaneously better and worse. These friends have made me smile when I didn't really feel like smiling at all. They're the ones the Lord sent to me when I most needed them. These few friends are going to be the ones I miss second to my family.
And last, but certainly not the least, I would like to thank my family. My three brothers are wicked old now, but I remember the times when we were younger and all living under the same roof. I know I really wasn't an easy person to live with by far and I had a lot of anger I took out on you, but somehow you all ended up really loving me and allowed me to have the best three brothers in the world. I think about that a lot because I have biological siblings somewhere out there in the world and I don't know them, but while I question who they are and where they are, I know that I really wouldn't want to have any other siblings than you three. You all have been an example to me as I've grown up and your example to worthily serve missions has helped me get to where I am today. Your individual testimonies and the fact that the two of you who are married right now are raising your tiny children in the church is truly a testimony builder for me. You three are some pretty alright brothers and I love you all (especially your kids because I love being an aunt and will miss it). (And I would like you three to know I just cried writing that for you, so when I leave, I expect just a single tear from you just once during my 18 month leave. Just one tear.)
My parents have also dealt with a lot. I don't think they had a clue what the heck they were getting into when I finally landed in their arms and we were heading home on an airplane during a hurricane. I think that should've been a sign that I would bring a huge storm into our household. But, despite the ferocious storm I carried for about 15 years, you two always stuck with it - with me. I'll be thanking you two until I'm lying in my grave and probably into the eternities when we're all together again. I know I've definitely taken out a lot of anger on you two, especially mom, but I know why I'm here. Even though I can't really look into the mirror and see either of you in me, though I occasionally have an identity crisis because I'm not sure if the person I am is a result of the way I was raised or because maybe my biological mother (or father) was a certain way, there are no other parents I would ever want either. If I had ever stayed in Guatemala, I wouldn't have gotten all the opportunities you gave me. I had the chance to play soccer, to take dance classes, to play the piano, discover music, fall in love with writing, get an education, have the best siblings in the world, and be raised to have a relationship with my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. You two have given me the best gifts in the world and that is why I will be forever thanking you two. (I also cried writing that, but don't be too sad when I leave... though I know you will be because your favorite child will be leaving home.)
I'm excited for all that lies ahead as I serve the people in Utah and Wyoming. I hope to plant seeds in those I encounter, to bring people to His gospel, and to love and see people the way He does as I teach them all that I know to be true. It won't be easy by any means, but there wouldn't be any growth if it was simple.
Thank you to all who have taken the time to read this and I will write to you all in a short year and a half. See you in October 2018 and remember this:
I am going to miss you.
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