Adjusting Focus

I've spent the last couple months constantly on the move. Nannying part-time, trying to get 250 hours done for my internship, maintaining my physical health, and trying to find moments to myself have kept me busy. For the most part, I've loved every second of it. I was starting to feel fulfilled in life, starting to become a version of myself I was happy with. There was a sense of freedom and belonging I hadn't felt in a long time. Coming out and getting away from Rexburg was a huge burden lifted. But I write to you at 4am because I feel heavy. We all know the state of the world right now. Honestly, for the most part I've been pretty calm about it. I'm trying my best to do my part in flattening the curve, staying safe, keeping myself informed, etc,. Amidst all the chaos, I've found joy in the newfound hours I get to write and play the piano. All the memes make life a little more bearable and keep me laughing. I've been working out in my room to keep my bod...

I believed I was a good person. At the same time, I felt dirty. Disgusting. Unworthy. Ashamed. Guilty. My sexuality was devilish. Carnal- something that would never allow me to be with God. But when I wrote my poems, it was freeing. Beautiful and who God made me to be. It was nothing to hide. It was as real a love as anyone else's. Wasn't that how it should always be? Coming out honestly seemed like a lot of effort when fundamentally, I stay the same. I love that scene in " Love, Simon " where people have to come out as straight , because that's a little bit how this feels. At the same time, it also seems right that I do it. My blog is so much about letting others know they aren't alone and there is always good to come. Suffering doesn't last a lifetime. My goal here is to create a community; a welcoming environment where people feel they don't have to hide. That's why I decided to write this post. I've denied my sexuality off and on for...